My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
