my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
