what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
