first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
