I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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