yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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