My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
