Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
