my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
