I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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