I think im going to throw up on grandma
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
