Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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