I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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