so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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