The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I need moral support for this bender
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
