Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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