I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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