you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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