Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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