your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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