Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
