I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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