fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
