About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
