your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
