she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
