I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
