I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
