Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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