if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
