So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Bring me that man meat
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
