I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
