Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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