i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
