Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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