Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
