i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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