dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
