Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
