guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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