My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
