She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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