What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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