is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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