saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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