im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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