You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
