Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
