my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
only you would photoshop your dick
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
