so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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