wanna go halves on a baby?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
