She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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