you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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