You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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