so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
