Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
