I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
