this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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