Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
