i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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