woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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