Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
