Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
