i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
