Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
